Up until now, I've only written about the stuff I was doing--just about the races I have run. You had your first tryout ever yesterday, and it got me thinking about the example I was trying to set for you and your brother and sister through my own efforts. Seeing you in the days before the tryout, and writing my last race report also got me thinking a bit about parenting and coaching.
You were so nervous about the tryout, going back to last week. You kept asking Mommy questions about the tryout. That morning before going to school, you were how you always get when you get nervous: you got a bit teary, but you weren't crying. I don't think you know this, but you get that from me. I am pretty emotional, and my eyes will water when I get really mad, or upset. I also get that way during sports movies like Rudy, Miracle, etc. Mommy will also tell you that I get that way during cheesy romantic movies.
I asked if you knew how to do the crawl, backstroke, breaststroke, and butterfly. You said yes. I asked if you had been taking lessons with Luis, and if you swam twice a day everyday at camp over the summer. Again, your answer was yes. I told you that they weren't going to make you do anything that you didn't know how to do. I said that if you didn't make the team, it had nothing to do with whether or not you were a good person, or even a good swimmer. They might be looking for something really specific, and could be looking for swimmers that were taught to swim a certain way, and that wouldn't be your fault. All that would mean is that Mommy and Daddy picked a coach that taught you a different way to swim, and we would just have to find a team where you would fit. I asked you to do the best you could that day, and told you that no matter what happened that afternoon at the tryout, Mommy and I would always love you and would always be proud of you.
I don't know if any of this worked for you or helped you. You see honey, I've never done this before. You are the oldest child, and Mommy and I are figuring out this whole parenting as we go along. I've also never really had to coach anyone at sports before. I always wonder if we are doing the right things, making the right decisions for you and your siblings.
I know that sometimes it might seem unfair, that Mommy and Daddy treat you a bit differently or we are harder on you than on Jack or Lauren. It's probably true...partly because you are the oldest, but also because you are all so different. I don't think what would work for you would also always work for Jack or Lauren. Sometimes I get frustrated because I know you are so good at so many different sports. While I think that you will always have to work harder at school than Jack because math, reading and other subjects seem to come quicker to him, you are just more athletic than he is. Watching you ski, play tennis or swim is a joy because you are just so smooth and you make it look so effortless. Unlike me, you are long limbed, tall and graceful--you get that from Mommy. It's frustrating though, because you don't want to compete--you seem to like winning and you like hearing that you are good at things, but it's hard to get you to sign up for things, to join teams, to compete. I think it's because you don't like or you are afraid of losing or failing. I am trying to teach you that it's okay to lose, and that you only appreciate how great a feeling it is to win when you have lost before. I'm also trying to teach you that you can't win if you don't play.
Mommy and I try really hard not to push you too much, because we think that would only cause you to dig your heels in and really not want to compete. We finally settled on giving you a choice--you had to sign up for some team, because we think it's important that you do a team sport, but it was your choice. You chose swimming. (I still think that it's an individual sport, because you're in the pool by yourself. I was hoping you'd play soccer or another team sport like that, where you are all working together, but we made this your choice, and this is a start.) This is how you found yourself at the JCC, trying out for their swim team, the Thunderbirds.
I don't think you knew that I was going to come to your tryout--you said you did, but I know Mommy was surprised. I left work early to come watch you...I missed seeing you do the crawl because I got stuck in traffic, but got to see you do the other three strokes. Honey, I was so proud of you. I know that you were nervous, but you did great. You were the fastest in your heat in almost every stroke. Not that Daddy is competitive or anything (I really am competitive, just in case you're not old enough to fully appreciate sarcasm when you read this), but I was timing the other heats, and you were faster than anyone else in those heats. You bonked your head at the end of the pool doing the backstroke, and you were a bit teary eyed coming out of the pool, but you shook it off, and got back in line to wait for the breaststroke. I think you were the fastest at both the backstroke and the breaststroke and the boy in the next lane only edged you out by a second on the butterfly. I didn't see it, but Mommy said that the coach timing your lane was nodding as he watched you swim. The boy started out much faster than you, but you were much smoother and you almost caught him at the end as he faded.
You were smiling when it was all done. You asked when they were going to tell us whether you made it or not. Unfortunately, there was another day of tryouts left to go, and we wouldn't find out until Thursday.
Either way honey, I am proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to do things like this. Sometimes you look so tall and old, and I can't believe how quickly you are growing up. For some reason, you looked so young and small to me yesterday, as I sat on one end of the pool deck, and you were lined up at the other.
Mommy and I are so proud of how brave you are.
Love,
Daddy
P.S. One last lesson for today. You should give credit to people where credit is due. I got the idea of writing to you (and Jack and Lauren) from this other triathlete who blogs about training and being a father. He writes to his kids, and I thought his blog was great--really personal and heartfelt. I'm not as good of a writer as he is (or as good of a triathlete, either), but thought I would give it a try. I enjoyed writing this, and I hope one day you will enjoy reading this.
The triathlete who I borrowed this idea from is Chad Nikazy. His blog is http://trifatherhood.com/, in case you ever want to read it.
{UPDATE: We just found out that you made the team! Congrats sweetie!}
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